Bah, Humbug.

So, Chirstmas is just around the corner. No doubt you're wrapped up warm, sitting by the fire, a nice cup of hot chocolate topped with marshmellows in hand, doing 1,000,000 better things than reading this blog.

No?

Well, unlucky you. But even if you are here, I bet you've finished everything needed for Christmas and can settle down and relax.

Me? I've not even *started*. I hate shopping. I hate advertisements. I hate queues. I hate the very fabric of Christmas, the long waits, the money spent, the naff presents from extended family you only see once a year. I would dearly like to meet and subsequently kill the man who invented wrapping paper and designed it to tear so fucking easily. A blind chimpanzee with no arms would do a better job of wrapping presents that I do.

So, I don't like Chistmas. I mean, it's a holiday date stolen from Pagan (the Feast of Sol and Victus) so that, back when Christianity was new and trying to oust the old faiths around, people would find it similar enough to their old religion that they'd switch over. Apparently, you can switch off faith to the holy sky being whenever you feel like it. Now, as an atheist, I don't believe there is anything there to believe in, but it's human nature to feel like you have a purpose, to feel like there is someone at the helm of the ship, and knows which course to navigate. I believe in things that can be tested and repeated under scientific conditions. I love learning about the world we live in, the way chemicals react and the deep, subatomic reasons why; I love learning how mathematics, the most powerful tool ever devised, came about; I love learning how something so complex and intricate as the human body was formed out of mere elements.

What I do not love, however, are these Creationists who are trying to muddy the scientific waters by having Christianity taught on par with science. That is to say that they want the theory that everything poofed into existance to be taught alongside proven theories such as the Theory of Evolution, Heliocentric Theory, the Theory of Tides, et cetera, et cetera. Now, 99% of Christians are lovely, fine people, but why does that 1% think Chistianity should be more valid than, say, Hinduism, to be taught in a Science class? It irritates me that they would want the Human race, as a whole, risk taking a step backwards just to further their own agenda.

Of course, this may sound like sheer hypocrisy coming from a staunch atheist. So be it, but religion is a lot like a penis; You don't want people shoving one down your kids' throats. Let them decide; if they choose to follow Christianity or Islam or Buddhism or be atheist doesn't matter. As long as it's their choice, people should respect that, but just remember that science and religion aren't mutually excluse; There are plenty of religious scientists. There is even a theory that God created the 'big bang' that created the universe. As unlikely as I find it, I have to admit that I think science will never be able to go further back in time than the Big Bang, and so it can never be disproved.

Anyway. I guess the point I'm really trying to make here is I really need to get a move on with my Christmas preparation. Not sure how this turned into a sort of rant, but that's just how my mind works. Give me a topic, set me off and I guarantee I'll be talking about Hitler in 20 minute's time.

So, apparently, God wants me to think about Hitler. That evil, evil, omnipotent and omniscent being.

If I Knew You Were Comin', I'd Have Shut the Curtains and Pretended I Wasn't Home.

So. Blogs. Wooo.

I've made a few blogs before and getting started is always the bugger. You need a first post that grabs your reader by the balls and pummels them into submission until they enjoy it like a businessman in an S&M dungeon.

Unfortunately, this is the bile I produce. It's all I'm bringing to the table. Get used to it, marra, there's a plenty more where it came from.

So. Anyway. You've stumbled into this very corner of the vast, infinitely cornered room that is the internet. Unlucky you. But, seeing as you're here, let me rattle off a load of uninteresting and mundane facts about my life.

Actually, sod that. Blog posts that read like a child's story are dreary and shite. "My name is Paul and I have 4 best friends and we go to the park and sometimes play on the swings and I went home and I had food and I eated it all up"...

Fuck. That. With. A. Shovel.

So, why have I started a blog, you ask? I'm sure that that wasn't really a burning question you had on your lips and dying to know the answer to, but I'll pretend otherwise. Indulge me.

Well, it's for the same reason anyone starts a blog. Because they want to feel like they are some sort of Internet Celebrity and people will give a toss about their small and unimportant lives and opinions. Some people make it big. Many, many more fall by the wayside. If this doesn't join those in the wayside party, I'll be disappointed. I can't see how these so-called "professional bloggers" can be called famous, and to join those would go against my ethics about the vast amount of non-celebrities that permeate into every fucking show, book and film, until they're forced down your throat and you're shitting them out for days on end. Some say that after 7 days of extreme non-celebrity exposure, you grow another head. I'm not willing to test that theory out. I think you're probably going to be dead after 3.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am no "Anti-capitalist/consumerist activist", a group more consisely known as "dicks", but I detest everything about the celebrity culture and how everyone is vying for their 15 minutes of fame. There are 7 billion people, and if each person gets theirs one after the other, we're talking almost 200,000 years of un-funny comedians, talentless actors and musicians and idiotic people injuring themselves with hammers, á la Jackass and Dirty Sanchez. Although not injuring themselves enough, in my eyes.

So, do me a favour, and make this blog crash and burn. I'll thank you for it, and maybe, one day, we can all get together and laugh at the popular kids when they're washed up and over the hill.