Well, hello. It's been a while. Mainly because I've had nothing to talk about really, and I'm not one of these people who write about anything and everything I ever experience.
However, it was on the news a few weeks ago that the Government in the UK were taking some flak from a bunch of Feminist nutjobs because some of the changes they made were percieved as being anti-feminist. All they did is get rid of a few of the people in the highest levels of government who they thought weren't pulling their weight and replace them with better candidates, but because they got rid of more women than they put back in, every Feminist from Land's End to John O'Groats were brandishing the pitchforks and torches at the news.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all for gender equality and against discrimination, but these Feminist groups' idea of "equality" must be vastly different to mine. To me, equality means both sexes being treated equally. That people are accepted for jobs not because of if they possess a Y chromosome or not, but because of what skills they have. The clue is in the name, folks. It's not difficult.
Feminists, on the other hand, seem to think equality means a 50/50 split. That for every man, there should be a woman in the same level of power. And I think this is a complete and utter load of shit. In most cases, their idea of equality will not equate with mine. They're not totally incompatible, it's just that it only happens when the planets are perfectly aligned. The idea that somehow, there were more men who deserved to be installed in top offices in the Government than women is abhorrent to these types.
Think about it. Say you have 10 job vacancies. Feminists would want 5 of those to go to women. Now, what if, after assessing each applicant, you found that the 10 best candidates were all men? Most Feminists would want you to reject 5 of those and give those jobs to women. They would want you to reject them because of their gender, which is exactly the thing that they're trying to eliminate.
You know what that's called? It's called positive discrimination. So really, we're not working to eliminate discrimination at all. We're just trying to change it's target.
Sunday 23 September 2012
Wednesday 29 February 2012
Jump! For My Leapyear.
Okay, I'm not a secret Pointer Brother, but I thought I'd drivel on inanely because of the occasion. So yeah, for those of you who either sleep under a rock or don't follow the Gregorian calender, it's February the 29th. People born on this day have a queer habit of saying "I'm <real age /4> years old!" on this particular date. If so, and you're *really* only 5 years old, what the hell are you doing, driving a car, drinking alcohol and sleeping with women? You've made those innocent girls into paedophiles. Well done, you twat.
But, it's a 1/1826 chance that you're born on this date, so I allow them their little quirks. Basically, the only reason this date exists is because the Gregorian calander is wrong. A year is NOT 365 days on the nose, it's actually 365.25 days (and growing, due to the effect of the tides counteracting the Earth's spin). Therefore, if we didn't clag an extra day onto February (why the hell it only has 28 days to begin with, I don't know. Did the calandar-making people hate the person who made the name so odd to pronounce for its spelling?), we'd be slowly lagging behind. Summer would start in December, confusing the shit out of christmas-card makers, Easter would be celebrated in Autumn, and people going to Wales in a caravan for a weekend away in June might be surprised to find 16 inches of pure, unadultered snow.
Essentially, it'd be like living in Australia. A fate worse than death*.
*(Just kidding, any Aussies who have also got lost on the internet and ended up here. I'd gladly welcome your weather. Just keep your fucking snakes and spiders to yourselves, okay?)
But, it's a 1/1826 chance that you're born on this date, so I allow them their little quirks. Basically, the only reason this date exists is because the Gregorian calander is wrong. A year is NOT 365 days on the nose, it's actually 365.25 days (and growing, due to the effect of the tides counteracting the Earth's spin). Therefore, if we didn't clag an extra day onto February (why the hell it only has 28 days to begin with, I don't know. Did the calandar-making people hate the person who made the name so odd to pronounce for its spelling?), we'd be slowly lagging behind. Summer would start in December, confusing the shit out of christmas-card makers, Easter would be celebrated in Autumn, and people going to Wales in a caravan for a weekend away in June might be surprised to find 16 inches of pure, unadultered snow.
Essentially, it'd be like living in Australia. A fate worse than death*.
*(Just kidding, any Aussies who have also got lost on the internet and ended up here. I'd gladly welcome your weather. Just keep your fucking snakes and spiders to yourselves, okay?)
Saturday 21 January 2012
Spying On You From The Comfort Of My Toilet
Bathroom libraries. I'm sure you all have one, and, if not, then I'm sure you'll have read a book whilst attending to Nature's call. Myself, I have a pile of about 6 books ready to be leafed through at my leisure on my bathroom floor. None of them are what you would call 'serious' books, they are just books to be picked up and put down again after a short space of time.
So, recently, I've followed this... hobby... to its natural extension. I take my iPod Touch in with me. I can browse the internet, play a game, and, starting from a few days ago, spy on people. Yes, no longer does the Spy need to rely on large newspapers with eye-holes cut into them, fake moustaches and code phrases such as "The grey wolf howls at midnight". The modern Spy can sit at home, toasty warm, watching people through his PC, and the only things they need worry about are the amount of hot beverage in their mug and their bladder levels.
Now, of course, I'm making this sound a whole lot more dramatic than it actually is. Basically, it's just an app that lets you watch the feed from some camera in Duesseldorf. What is interesting, though, is that many cameras let you take direct control of them. You swipe you finger across the screen in your bathroom in Britain, and a camera in San Francisco rotates and hits a seagull in the face. I'd like to think someone passing by would look up, see the camera gyrating and think "Not that fucking Brit again!".
So, next time you're walking down the street, just pay attention to any CCTV cameras in the area. If you see any of them spinning in circles and doing the funky chicken, be afraid. Be VERY afraid.
So, recently, I've followed this... hobby... to its natural extension. I take my iPod Touch in with me. I can browse the internet, play a game, and, starting from a few days ago, spy on people. Yes, no longer does the Spy need to rely on large newspapers with eye-holes cut into them, fake moustaches and code phrases such as "The grey wolf howls at midnight". The modern Spy can sit at home, toasty warm, watching people through his PC, and the only things they need worry about are the amount of hot beverage in their mug and their bladder levels.
Now, of course, I'm making this sound a whole lot more dramatic than it actually is. Basically, it's just an app that lets you watch the feed from some camera in Duesseldorf. What is interesting, though, is that many cameras let you take direct control of them. You swipe you finger across the screen in your bathroom in Britain, and a camera in San Francisco rotates and hits a seagull in the face. I'd like to think someone passing by would look up, see the camera gyrating and think "Not that fucking Brit again!".
So, next time you're walking down the street, just pay attention to any CCTV cameras in the area. If you see any of them spinning in circles and doing the funky chicken, be afraid. Be VERY afraid.
Thursday 5 January 2012
...And a Happy New Year.
So, 2011 has slipped away like a person who has woken up at 5am after a regrettable one-night stand. It was a year that had many memorable moments, many tragedies, many great innovations - and the iPhone 4S.
I mean, seriously, why do people keep on forking out huge sums of money for barely-tinkered-with gadgets such as the 4S? It's ever-so-slightly changed from the iPhone 4, and suddenly all the fashionable kids must have one for fear of being laughed at for not having the newest gear. You know what they say about fools and their money, and it's not that they go on to live a long and prosperous life together.
But the acceptance, as a race, to be satisfied with the status quo worries me. Why don't we strive to better ourselves, as our ancestors did? I want my floating cars, nutritional pill diets and dogs in space helmets on every street corner. It's like the sense of adventure has finally been repressed, now we're the number 1 species on this planet. We're top of the pile, and have become complacent. All it takes is one small termite uprising and we're done for.
What would have happened if, back in the Stone Age, Neanderthal man looked outside and thought "Ooh, looks a bit chilly outside, let's never venture out this cave again". We'd still be there, twiddling our thumbs, but at least you'd not be here, reading this. Every cloud and all that.
Right. Anyway. 2012 has lept upon us like some predator-related metaphor. It's going to be a year full of excitement and meteorites and armageddon. That's if you listen to the tin-foil-hat brigade who are shitting their pants because the Mayans couldn't be bothered to calculate any more days past a certain date.
Hey, look on the bright side... No more Christmasses. I wonder how many 'believers' will not buy any presents for their child, expecting the world to end, then have to go on a massive panicky buying spree when they wake up safe and sound on December 22nd.... Only for termites to take over on December 23rd.
You read it here first. I, for one, welcome our new termite overlords.
I mean, seriously, why do people keep on forking out huge sums of money for barely-tinkered-with gadgets such as the 4S? It's ever-so-slightly changed from the iPhone 4, and suddenly all the fashionable kids must have one for fear of being laughed at for not having the newest gear. You know what they say about fools and their money, and it's not that they go on to live a long and prosperous life together.
But the acceptance, as a race, to be satisfied with the status quo worries me. Why don't we strive to better ourselves, as our ancestors did? I want my floating cars, nutritional pill diets and dogs in space helmets on every street corner. It's like the sense of adventure has finally been repressed, now we're the number 1 species on this planet. We're top of the pile, and have become complacent. All it takes is one small termite uprising and we're done for.
What would have happened if, back in the Stone Age, Neanderthal man looked outside and thought "Ooh, looks a bit chilly outside, let's never venture out this cave again". We'd still be there, twiddling our thumbs, but at least you'd not be here, reading this. Every cloud and all that.
Right. Anyway. 2012 has lept upon us like some predator-related metaphor. It's going to be a year full of excitement and meteorites and armageddon. That's if you listen to the tin-foil-hat brigade who are shitting their pants because the Mayans couldn't be bothered to calculate any more days past a certain date.
Hey, look on the bright side... No more Christmasses. I wonder how many 'believers' will not buy any presents for their child, expecting the world to end, then have to go on a massive panicky buying spree when they wake up safe and sound on December 22nd.... Only for termites to take over on December 23rd.
You read it here first. I, for one, welcome our new termite overlords.
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